Paul Simon created a song called “There must be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” which never really got around to actually naming fifty ways. But the concept is still a good one. One challenge that we all face at some time is “making nice” with a neighbor who may be doing something that upsets us.  It seems that neighbors have lost the art of making friends and, instead, want someone else  to intervene in conflicts between us the strangers that we live next to.

What exactly is a “good” neighbor? To be one, you don’t need to be friends or hang out together. A good neighbor attitude allows you to live as privately or as sociably as you wish. Being a good neighbor is an attitude. Here’s how to cultivate and nurture it:

Meet Them. Go to them and introduce yourself or, if that isn’t comfortable, wait for a chance encounter at the mailbox or when taking the trash can to the street.

Keep Them Informed. Contact them before starting something that might impact them, such as having a big party, building a fence or cutting down a tree.  

Be Aware of Differences. Age, faith, ethnic background and marital status can drastically affect lifestyles. Be aware of the differences between you and your neighbors that could create friction or disagreement.

Look for Things in Common. You both might like to garden, bike or jog. Zero in on what you have in common. Be a keen observer of your neighbors and look for tell-tale signs that can draw you closer.

Point of View. From your neighbor’s viewpoint, how does your compost pile, swing set or junk car look? Would you like that view?

Be Appreciative. If a neighbor does something you like, tell them! They’ll be thrilled that you noticed the new awning, patio furniture, plants, etc.

Assume the Best. Most people don’t intentionally create problems. Assume the neighbor doesn’t know about the annoyance when you speak to them. Your delivery will be dramatically kinder. And assume they will be cooperative.

Be Candid. If your neighbor does something that bothers you, let them know as soon as possible in factual, not emotional terms. Be kind.

Be Calm. When discussing a point of contention, speak calmly, listen carefully and thank them for telling you how they feel. You don’t have to agree or justify your behavior. If you don’t react defensively, anger usually subsides, lines of communication remain open and resolution is possible.

Take Your Time. If caught in angry confrontation, take a break to reflect and finish the discussion when cooler heads prevail. Don’t leave it hanging. Time and lack of resolution will intensify hostilities.

Best Advice of All. Treat others as you would like to be treated. This attitude will pave the way for good neighborliness. Love your neighbor as yourself. That has been a good rule for about 2,000 years now.